You are a Chach

Many people are unaware of exactly what a "chach" (pronounced cha-ch) is exactly. However, this is something that we should all know about. We can then protect ourselves from this social menace.

A chach is basically the biggest douche that you can possibly imagine. Usually these guys can be spotted at clubs that have one word names like "love" or "fur" dancing with anything that moves. Most chaches are completely aware of their lameness, yet do not care. In fact they often do it on purpose. Other terms for these people, such as chachbag or chachball, are equally descriptive and acceptable.

Please read below on how to tell if you are a chach....

You are a chach if you have a cartelige pierce. No it's not cool, you look like a confused thirteen year old girl.

You are a chach if you wear Armani Exchange clothing. This clothing is not for men, it is for women, thats why its Italian.

If your name is Ty Pennigton, you are the chach king. Seriously, you are the biggest d-bag I have ever seen. Also, you are incredibly annoying. I wish the brick layers from your stupid build-a-house reality show would bury you in the foundation of your latest "home building miracle." The drawback to that is that your chachiness would most definately rub off on the poor unknowing inhabitants of the house, creating young leather panted chaches.

Chaches can't resist hitting on women; and they love rejection, it makes them feel chachier. If you can't enter a bar or club without spewing some immature sexual reference to a woman's pleather pants, you are a chach.

If you have a barbed wire/Chinese symbol/ankle/shoulder blade/snoopy/leprechaun/smurf tattoo, you are a chach. Admit it, you got a tattoo just so you could say that you got one and you got it there so that it wouldn't screw up your interview at J.P. Morgan. You make me sick.

You are a chach if you are European. Sorry dude, Europeans are chaches, they were born that way. Maybe you should put on some deodorant and unglue your hand from that fat girls' backside.

PDA makes you a chach. Even if you are not European, or don't posses any of the previously outlined chach qualities, you are a huge chach if you participate in PDA. I mean get a goddamn room. No one wants to watch you French kiss Kathy Bates over there.

If you introduce yourself by your lame college nickname, you are a gigantic chach. Example: "Nice to meet you, my name is Tom."
"Nice to meet you Tom, I'm Boner." No your name is chach. Now fuck off.

Chaches love drama, and not the good Braveheart type of drama (even though Mel Gibson is a huge chach), but lame stupid petty drama a la 'I lost my cell phone that's why I couldn't call you back.' Bullshit, chach.

If you blowdry your hair, you are most obviously a chach. Here's some advice for you: take a nice warm bath with your long chachy blowdried hair and drop the blowdryer in the tub.

Chaches love techno music. It enables them to distract smelly European women long enough to slip a rufee in their Smirnoff Ice. Paul Okenfold is the music God of all chaches.

Chaches shave their chests. This could be the ultimate act of chachiness. Be a man, deal with your body hair.

If you still talk about your fraternity, there is no doubt, you are the worst kind of chach. College is over, asshole. If you haven't gotten over your homophobia and social insecurities by now, you should probably just give up on life all together. By the way, all secret handshakes are the same, and they were invented by gays.

So there you have it. This list is by no means exhaustive. If you would like to share some other chachy qualifications, please post them as comments. If you read this article and were offended, you are probably a gigantic chachball. If you thought this was funny, you probably understand where I am coming from on this one.